Five-a-Day: Day 17: 22nd of February 2023

I’m someone who gravitates towards solitude as a default. Being alone is obviously easier, because there’s no one else to contend with, you don’t have to try to think of things to say, and you don’t have to try to be interesting or funny. And depending on the person, you don’t have to try to pretend to find someone funny or interesting. You can just be alone with your thoughts and enjoy the peace, in a meaningful sense. I mean, it can be very peaceful to be alone, and it is often necessary. I think everyone should be comfortable being alone, but I don’t think that being a loner is the virtue that it can sometimes be portrayed as. Being social is a good thing — depending on who you spend your time with. But, assuming that you’re spending time with good people (not good as in an acceptable quality of person, more as in people who are by and large morally good), then being social is a good and desirable thing. It’s good to speak to people, to hear about their experiences, to laugh at their jokes, to discuss various subjects of common interest, to make jokes in turn, to share your stresses, to let other people know that they’re valued. Choosing to spend your time with someone is a compliment to them, and that’s something that I didn’t realise until very recently. I actually didn’t realise that not spending time with someone, or not reaching out to them, could be perceived as you not valuing their time or their company. But I think I’m starting to clock that now. Although being social doesn’t come so easily to me, for whatever reason, I’ve started just trying to worry less about being awkward or not always having something interesting to say, because I rarely do, but I don’t think other people have such high expectations of you. No one expects a gag a minute or to be engrossed in fascinating conversation at every second — by and large, people just like chatting and feeling a sense of camaraderie with another person. And it makes you feel better too, after it all. It’s a nice feeling, laughing and sharing with others. It sounds obvious, but it wasn’t always obvious to me. I’ve got some catching up to do. Does it mean I’ll always choose to spend time with others instead of being alone? Of course not, but I now recognise the value and importance of doing it, and I’m taking steps to change my behaviour accordingly, and that has to be worth something.